The Wreck of the Longerfellow

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Mapicon riverboat.png
The Wreck of the Longerfellow
Region
 The Big Moist
Unlocked by
 Solving Mudhenge's portal puzzle

The passengers of the Longerfellow's maiden voyage are trapped in the wheelhouse. They and Captain Dan need your help.

Quests

You can skip the Main Deck entirely with 20, yes, 20 Hot Armor.

  • Assuming you don't have that, talk to Captain Dan through the speaker.
  • Offer to help, and get a hint about the code to the hull door.
  • Enter 450014 on the lock to your left, gaining 5 XP.
  • Descend below decks. Smash the gauge twice to divert steam away from the stairs.
  • You might read the note in the cabinet about maritime codes and Poseido's and Poseidont's.

Step up to the Sun Deck, where a huge crow standing eye-to eye with you blocks the stairs.

  • You can just fight him.
  • Or entice him to leave:
    • Open the lock on the outhouse to the right. The code is 040451.
    • Step through the time door. Talk to the passenger to the far left and buy her tiara for 100 Meat.
    • Return to the present-day Sun Deck and toss the tiara, either to the crow or overboard. (Or keep it and fight him anyway.)

Now you can reach the Promenade, where another huge crow stands in your way. The three nests to your left hold three treasures, but their locations are randomized:

Bop him in the beak
Enemies
 giant crow (paladin) (0-2)
giant crow (fighter) (0-2)
XP (kill)
 13-14
Drops
 Unknown

Find the key. (Your cursed key can't be used here, for some reason.) Each item you take summons another crow. You'll have to get past 2 to 4 of them.

  • Again, you can just bop them. You can do them separately by taking one item after each fight, if you like.

Or insist you're scarier than a crow, and prove it with increasingly difficult stat tests:

  • The first test requires 5ish in any stat (Muscle/Mysticality/Moxie). Awards 5 XP.
  • The second test takes 6ish in a stat you didn't use the first time. Awards 5 XP.
  • You need 7ish in the remaining stat to scare off a third bird. Awards 5 XP. Third bird.
  • For a fourth crow, it takes 7ish in any two stats. Awards 15 XP.
This ends now, Dan.
Enemies
 Captain Dan
XP (kill)
 13-14

Knock, unlock, and enter. No passengers are in the wheelhouse, nor even remains. Only a jittering automaton on strings: Captain Dan, the one responsible for their fate. Talk to him, ask some questions, and either:

  • Tell him you can't let him continue to exist. Destroy him in a fight.
  • Tell him he's misunderstood his orders and forgotten his Poseidont's. (requires reading about poseido's and poseidont's earlier, probably.) With Brag/Bewitch/Bamboozle, you fry his processor with his own terrible logic and gain 20 XP.

You find the captain's bendy telescope and can take The Longerfellow's steering wheel for Your Room. Turn off the electronic bench on the left, which has been interfering with your compass. (You could turn it off before dealing with Captain Dan, or just skip him entirely.) You probably want to head back to Mudhenge now and find the real treasure — actual treasure, not the sappy, heart-warming type.

Interactions

Outside

Main Deck

  • A banner reading TIME OF YOUR LIFE.
  • A menu to read, which you can eat for 3 XP.
  • Read a message inscribed on the paddle wheel: "DAN    DAN    WE ARE ALL BROKE UPON THINE WHELE (SP?)"
  • A broken speaker you can fix with a fuse, where you can talk with Captain Dan. You can agree to help rescue Dan and the five others who are trapped in the wheel house.
    • "The code to the hull door be the birthday of the Longerfellow. January 4th, 1845. But there be a catch, and I aren't talking about what we used to haul up for Friday lunch! Crabs 'n' such. We don't use Standard or International date formats on our locks. Wouldn't be caught dead doin' that. No, we use Maritime Basic! Year-Year-Month-Day-Month-Day."
    • Entering 000000 gives "No, the only lock for which 000000 is the combination is the original lock, the ur-lock: God's lock. Try again."
    • Entering code 450014 (Maritime Plus - MD-MD-YY) gives access to the Below Deck.
    • Entering the correct code the first time, or without talking to Captain Dan, gives "That's an extremely lucky guess. Really low odds on guessing that correctly. Well, good job anyway." and gives access to the Below Deck.
  • Run through the steam with 20 Hot Armor or redirect the steam below to get up to the Sun deck.

Below Deck

  • A Shadow pouch.
  • A crate with a note: "DON'T TELL THE GUESTS ABOUT THE WATER SLIDE. IDON'T CARE IF THEY'RE EXPECTING THE TIME OF THEIR LIVES. Five hours of pain and suffering to put it together and they only use it once!" and a note below that "WE'RE GOING TO DIE ON THIS BOAT"
  • Fight some Swarm of swamp bees + Swarm of swampflies + Swarm of stinkbugs.
  • Find a steam valve which allows access to the upper deck when hit.
  • Find an unglorious tiara in the washing machine.
  • Find deckhand's pants and a note documenting date formats:
A SAILOR'S "POSEIDO'S" AND "POSEIDON'TS"
POSEIDO: REMEMBER YOUR DATE FORMATS
Standard: MM-DD-YY
Local: MD-YD-YM
Radio: YM-DD-MY
International: DD-MM-YY
Maritime Basic: YY-MD-MD
Maritime Plus: MARITIME BASIC REVERSED
Maritime Minus: DM-DY-YM
Paddle Academy Standard: DY-MD-YM
POSEIDO: AND MAKE YOUR OWN DATE FORMATS! BE CREATIVE!
And there's a second page. "Maritime Humor."
Q. What is a pirate's best part of the boat?
A. The stARR-board!
Q. What is a sailor's favorite joke?
A. Land!

Sun Deck

  • Find a sack on the left for 3 XP and a battery.
  • Find a sack with 2 Meat.
  • Find a BOSUN C.C. DAVID's barrel, which you can search with 6ish Stench Armor to get a sailor's cap and a telegram: "MR H LONGERFELLOW LONGERFELLOW RIVERBOAT COMPANY STOP HOPE YOU WELL STOP REQUESTING PERMISSION TO MUTINY STOP CAPTAIN ORDERING SHIP INTO STORM STOP SAYS PASSENGERS WILL LOVE IT STOP CREW PLANS TO MUTINY ANYWAY JUST HOPE YOU NOT BE MAD WITH US STOP"
  • A sack with a note, "...but having said that, Martha, the boat has taken a sharp and sickening turn into a black and shimmering tear in the sky itself, and I fear we are heading for land with unsafe speed. Grateful if you could call your father and rescue me from this impending unpleasantness. I will get this letter away to you promptly. I am sure that swamps have mailboxes."
  • An outhouse with a combination lock on it. Enter the date in Paddle Academy Standard format: 04-04-51, which gives access to a time portal to the past.
  • A crow guarding the stairs up. You can fight or later return with the glorious tiara. When you return you are given the options:
    • Throw the tiara through the time door - back in the past the sailor guarding the stairs up has tied up the crow.
    • Throw the tiara overboard - the crow swoops down and picks it up and shows up
    • Toss him the tiara - the crow waddles off elsewhere
    • Keep that tiara [fight] - fight giant crow

Sun Deck In the Past

  • Buy a glorious tiara for 100 Meat.
  • Talk to various guests, try to warn them about the impending crash.

Promenade

  • Find a Longerfellow ring, crow bullion, and wheelhouse key in a crow hole (each adds another crow to get past).
  • If you throw the crow the tiara, he will show up again here. Scare him off with 2 Muscle/Mysticality/Moxie.
    • If you stole the items above, two additional crows show up. They need 3 and 4 Muscle/Mystyicality/Moxie to dispatch respectively, each time requiring a different stat. (Eg. you need to use 2 Muscle then 3 Mysticality then 4 Moxie, or 2 Moxie then 3 Muscle then 4 Mysticality, etc.)
  • A small table, with some engravings on it.
  • With the wheelhouse key, unlock the wheelhouse.

Wheelhouse

  • A marionette is the only one in the wheelhouse. Chat with him. Gain 20 XP and a bendy telescope.
  • Take The Longerfellow's steering wheel.
  • Turn off the electrical interference that brought you and your compass here.
  • Swear into the microphone: "Despite the radio's limited broadcasting area, the filthy and unprintable words from your mouth blast a horrible smell across the country. And at this exact moment, many miles away, a creature's eyes snap open for the first time. The Federal Radio Commission has been born."

People

Trivia

  • One of the padlock codes ends in 0451, a reference to Deus Ex and similar games, which often use 451 or 0451 as a combination. This in turn is a reference to Fahrenheit 451.

Gallery


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